.
That is a signed copy of George R. R. Martin's The Ice Dragon, a children's novel he wrote a while back. Unfortunately for me, it's signed by my daughter, she's now 5-years-old but this was done many years ago, as well as the author. So yes, you give up a lot, including most of your previous interests and hobbies, your ability to control most situations, your ability to keep a tidy home (OK, I was never terribly good at that to begin with.)... your heart, your soul, your life. If you're reading this though, I'm guessing you knew that already. I could try to sum up what you gain in images, but it would take about a thousand and you'd get bored looking at my family photos.
I wrote a poem before the birth of my first little one, I have four now and one due this September. If my memory isn't too clouded by time and personal partiality, it wasn't bad. It was funny, sad, touching, optimistic... (I have to say, it's nice being able to say all this because you'll never see it now that it's gone. For all you know it was total tripe!) but I've lost that too apparently. Probably after my computer geek husband spilled anti-freeze on our then liquid cooled system, or else just with the standard loss of a hard drive. I only just discovered this loss upon embarking upon this post. And that's life, whether you're a mom or just naturally disorganized or simply a computer owner who doesn't back things up in triplicate. So, as I had intended to post that poem in my inaugural effort here, I'll substitute a ghazal (pronounced more like guzzle but with a "g" coming from somewhere in your throat we English speakers rarely dare to tread unless we have the flu) written on the spot. A ghazal, as near as I can tell, is a poetic form of Arabic origins consisting of couplets which seems to revel in a sort of arbitrary and organized disunity. The first two lines must rhyme, and your second line provides an ending for each subsequent second line. Each couplet stands alone. Meter is usually strictly adhered to, but as Arabic meter doesn't really translate into English at all, for an English poem this is not a serious requirement. There should be at least five couplets in such a poem, but there is no set upper limit.
For the record, this was the first poetic form I stumbled upon while flipping through a book of such things. It seemed rather appropriate for the occasion and for the subject of motherhood. Here's a Wikipedia article on the form if you like: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ghazal.
Ghazal #1
To be the mother I can't recall ever aspiring to be,
I left the rest of my life a thousand miles behind me.
My daughter was born over a Christmas break
that's extended now indefinitely before me.
While I prepare the ritual sandwiches of the day I feel
An Aisling nuzzling my leg, scratching her nose, behind me.
If you ever invite me out with the kids,
I guarantee you'll be there before me.
The madness and unpredictability of life has only increased,
Though they tell me my "wild and free" youth is behind me.
If you can, imagine a life of unending responsibility, spontaneous joy,
Crippling worry, unfathomed beauty... please do that, for me.
Ok, wow. That was a lot harder than I thought it would be and I don't particularly think I did it that well. It's the first time I've tried anything like that in years. I'm rusty.... See if you can do better, ok? I'm sure there's a comments section around here somewhere.
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